i kinda want to live until i'm a villan...do i get a cape?

so finding a job sucks. especially in this economy.  i've applied place after place, both in my major and not, and i never hear anything back.  i try calling up, but nothing.  i did get an interview at KEYE, the guy liked me, but there is no money in their budget to hire me because the boss suddenly pulled out at the last moment.  it doesn't work in sex and it doesn't work with jobs!!!  but i've applied at other places, and now i hope to be doing temp work.  and the temp agency woman i spoke to today said i should keep my job at starbucks.  (shitshitshit!!!) and so i'm kinda scared i'll be in over my head in working 4 or 5 days with a temp agency and 2-3 with starbucks.  i really want to quit that job.  like really bad.  i'm tired of taking out trash.  mopping.  dealing with bitchy customers and employees.  being on my feet ALL THE TIME.  being bored out of my mind most days.  making mocha.  making frappachinos.  i didn't get my degree to stay there.  and i can't stand it anymore.  i mean, i can if i have to, but Krusty wants out!  so let's hope everything works out.

so the past few days i've been working out twice: once in the morning as a three mile run, then riding my bike in the afternoon to work, which is around 7 miles.  i think that's good...right?  i love working out.  yes, i am aware i am a freak.  i have realized that if i don't work out, i become restless and cranky.  it's my drug!  Mono took me out, in that no caffeine, no alcohol, no sugar and no working out made lauren go crazy.  but now i'm back to all four!  hoo-ray!

today i rode my bike and met up with the parental units at the alamo drafthouse near my apartment to see the Dark Knight again.  it was still very good.  i was still blown away by the multi-layered story, the beautiful editing and cinematography, and the brilliance that is Heath Ledger.  i actually cried twice during the film.  ugh, it's so good.  but all this comic stuff (which, congrats to DC Comics for giving Marvel a run for their money!) has made me want to start reading graphic novels.  i read comics as a kid since there was a comic book shop near our house. (are we shocked i read comics?  no.  it fits.)  i've heard way too much good stuff about them to really pass them up.  i figured i could start with the watchmen.  even before the movie my uber nerdziod friends talked about how kick ass it was.  so.  yeah.

on another note, i've been trying to get this sftp site thing to work so i can upload music and start blogging on indieball.com, and it isn't and i'm extremely frustrated.  i feel like a n00b and like i dropped the ball, but i didn't!  i even freggin took a programming class and skooled all those CS majors...what the hell?!  this crappy crap crap crap of sftp and its hatred of mp3s is starting to get to me.  i'll figure it out, but i'm gettin' cranky.  maybe i should run...

and so it begins...

so for some odd reason, i have decided to pick up blogging or online journaling again.  call it a 'Carrie Bradshaw' desire of expressing my opinions for the world to see.  or the thought that i'm that important enough.  nah, probably not, but it's come back into my life and here it is.

first of all, i couldn't fit a decent title in the box thing, then i spent 20 minutes trying to get a name for this web site, and nothing.  it was a little outrageous (seeing that i came up with some really ridiculous names and they were all still taken).  so i thought about things that i love, and skoolin' n00bs was number 1, so there you have it.  it's like it was fate.  *sigh*

right after graduation i was given randy pausch's book, the last lecture, and read it in the car ride to South Padre.  i liked it, besides the fact he gave off the persona that he had done everything perfect in his life (i guess i would too if i were leaving this legacy for my kids).  But deep down inside i thought for sure he would live.  i thought there was no way that this guy would die.  he had jinxed himself into living.

but there it was on the news.  randy pausch dies.  i couldn't believe it.  i mean, i should have, but i still didn't.  so i cried.  a common theme with me, but this time it felt like i was let down.  he knew he was going to die.  i knew he would, but i hoped i was wrong.

as a result i have thought about my childhood dreams:

• 1. be in The Beatles 
  

now, i am well aware the odds of this happening are quite possibly impossible, but as a child i thought for sure i could do it.  listening to the Beatles as a kid took me places.  particularly 1964 to 1969.  they were my first love, where all i did was think about them and imagining them playing these songs, and how cute Paul McCartney was.  i listened to it in middle school imagining holding hands with my crush (before harsh realities of love set in--which i am STILL battling).  they were the first band i plugged into and would not take my headphones off for.  there i was, at 9 years old listening to them non-stop at my grandparents, listening to them on the bus to school, absorbing every note they played.  i still love them and will always love them.

the closest i got was playing 'A Day in the Life' for my dad at the Rose of Tralee competition.  if that's as close as i get, i think i'll be satisfied.  or a sa-weet cover band would be better!  i call rhythm guitar!!! ONE (?) DOWN...?

• 2. write about music to people who will listen
  

around the time i fell in love with the Beatles, i fell in love with rock music in general.  my dad played classic rock around the house at full volume all the time, and i know every hit song by any band between the years 1967 and 1982.  i am a trained professional.  my dad taught me the importance of trading music trivia like baseball cards.  you collect info and gain superiority by having more valuable and more interesting/obscure information.  so i carried that on to all music.  i am a music junkie.  i can't get enough of it.  rock music makes me so happy.  almost happier than a man might make me happy, but i'm not counting that out.

but i've always wanted to write about music.  i wanted to share my love and passion and talent of music consumption with the world.  and i'm gonna do it!  i'm going to be writing for an indie music blog from a friend, and i'm super excited!  if this is a far as i get in music writing, it will be more than enough for me.  so TWO DOWN!!!

• 3. be a model
  

it's shallow, i know.  the idea of being a beautiful woman and nothing more than a face or a body is kinda low...but doesn't everyone want that?!  we all want to be told we are beautiful and hot and attractive.  duh!  so being a model: what else is there?  someone looks at your picture and thinks, dang, they are hot!  i think it comes from a deep attraction to being liked.  eh, whatever the reason, i always thought i would be good at it.  i'm a born actress (yet i don't like being on stage or film anymore), and it always looked easy to me.

so this weekend i will get that chance.  and not even for something stupid like clothes or a perfume...it's for Star Wars or Magic playing cards!!!  i was asked by a friend to model for different characters that will be on the card!  then he goes in and changes things to make them look different (and not like the same girl), and i will forever be adored by nerds.  sa-weet!  THREE DOWN!!!

• 4. get married
  

hmmm...this one is...kinda...not right.  as a girl, you do fall into that trap that men are the answer to everything.  or marriage is better than being alone.  the judge is still out on all those verdicts, but for the time being, i love being single.  after being in shitty relationships, you learn to enjoy the time you have by yourself.  i love riding my bike, playing my guitar, eating weird and small portioned dinners, having a bed to myself, and just living without the complications of a relationship.  now, in no way am i ruling any of this out.  if i found the right person: the person who would fight for me, the person who is as crazy about me as i am about them, the one where i can be myself and they will always be themselves, the one who treats me like an equal, like a friend, like a lover.  the person who is in my life because without them it wouldn't be nearly as much fun.  that's what i want.  i don't need a man.  but, like friends, if one comes along who changes me and i want to be around them, who am i to say no?

marriage in the eyes of a child is much different than through the eyes of a seasoned veteran.  and what it is changes.  who knows?  i may change sooner than i expect.

5. be on Saturday Night Live and/or be a stand up comedian

i have been told numerous times i am funny.  i think i am, if i do say so myself.  i was always that funny friend (possibly at times the funny FAT friend) who never got no play, but really developed a sense of self and a sense of what is funny.  i also, as a friend, got into the world of men and their humor, and because of that, i make men laugh really easily.  physical comedy, witty one-liners, sarcasm, references to masculine shows or cartoons.  i am a master.  but there was always that insecurity that i wouldn't be good enough.  what if i fall on my face, what if i'm not funny enough?  what if people laugh at me for all the wrong reasons?  plus i heard that working on SNL kinda sucks, so i never went for it.

it may be a bad call, and maybe i did miss out on an opportunity.  but i have been crafting a standup routine that i would like to use on an open mic night.  maybe someday.  we'll see.

so!  three out of five.  not too shabby.  and i'm always creating other goals.  we'll see where i go and what i do.  i'm excited!  let's go!