I never post anymore...how sad...

i should probably post more on here, but life takes over, and more importantly, i don't have the internet.  i go to coffee shops, use Will's, or work's internet to talk to the outside world.  I don't mind too much.  I get more done, and i don't have the distraction of the internet (aka Facebook...it's like a siren song to me!)

I'm getting closer to finishing Real Estate school, and I have to say, I really like it.  It's not until I'm faced with real situations that I find it is kinda fun and a challenge, filled with plenty of problem solving situations, dealing with people and math.  How can I NOT love it?

And I am also going on a de-stress trip to Ireland, again!  Rachel put together a trip, and I feel I have to go.  Because I need to see Ireland again, this time with really close friends.  I am excited, and it is mark the beginning of a new life.

I have to go on about what a great boyfriend I have.  He is so supportive, always there, always encouraging me and letting me know he is thinking of me.  Who could ask for more?!  In this time of all time stress and frustration and confusion, he is there cheering me on.  what a good kid.  He makes me laugh and makes me feel invincible when I feel like a failure.  Besides that, he is cute and driven and just a wonderful human being.  Oh happy days!

i'm sitting in Kerbey Lane next to my apartment, drinking wine and getting some work done.  It's amazing how the work gets easier to do with the more wine I drink.  the radio is playing old school classic rock, so I've been listening to Credence Clearwater Revival, Santana, Jethrow Tull...you know, the goodies.  And Classic Rock always reminds me of my childhood.  I know the classics in Rock like none other, and it always reminds me of my dad, and more specifically, the summer and swimming while my dad did yard work.  the smell of gasoline with fresh cut grass, a whiff of clean pool, and Lynard Skynard or Steely Dan makes me more nostalgic than you would think.  Every summer I look forward to feeling like a kid again.  I miss those memories.  I miss those kid-isms of no worries, swimming, eating hot dogs, sipping your dad's beer, the grass cut, the grill going, and playing in the park.

now they are playing The Beatles.  I take it back.  nothing makes me more nostalgic than The Beatles.  I thought for sure for the longest time I would marry Paul McCartney.  If I believed hard enough and prayed enough times to the right god, 1967 Paul McCartney would ask me to marry him.  Who knew I would end up dating Sean Lennon?  (haha, inside joke)

I am going to my first huge MonaVie event this weekend, and I am SOOO excited!  I can't wait to be surrounded by so many positive, wonderful people who believe in the same thing.  Plus it is be Will and my's first vacation, and it will be so nice to get away for even two days.

life, though frantic, is nice right now.

stress = bad

so life has been anything but boring the past while.  real estate school, assisting real estate, working at starbucks, working monavie...it's all very time consuming.  it's all extremely rewarding, but it's also very taxing some moments.  i've been going through my finances trying to work everything out and figure out where i want to be soon, and by April I want to be Star 1000 in MonaVie and getting regular listings with Rachel.  Then I will be making around 22,000 a year.

I have a degree and I aspire to make 22,000 a year.  yeah.  Thanks, Bush.

and recently i have been thinking about how much life has changed, and how happy i am that it has.  this summer, well, sucked.  i felt like i couldn't do anything right.  i couldn't get a job, i couldn't get happy, i couldn't get a guy.  and so i gave it up.  and just waited.  and, boy, let me tell you, nothing hurts more than waiting.  waiting for life.  you feel like everything and everyone is passing you and winning, and you can't do anything right.  it sucks.  but i never gave up believing.  i had to believe that something could change.  if physics could lend itself to that idea, then my life had to be the same.

and here i am:  an irish and british traveler, a half-marathoner, a girlfriend, an employee of three places, and back in school.  who knew?

i am happy.  i am.

i think the thing that i have had to learn is not only patience, but also that my life painting will look different than i imagined, and to calm the fuck down.  i'm so used to control that giving it up is so hard for me.  I really need to improve myself, and learn to calm the fuck down.  i'm especially difficult on my loved one.  well, not difficult, but i need to tell him how special he is more often, and how happy he makes me.  i think i forget to tell him that.

sometimes that mountain we all need to climb feels unbearable.  It feels like we will never get there, or when we do we will be alone.  but i need to remind myself that there are other beautiful, wonderful, amazing, supportive people in my life who make it that much better.

i need to breathe and meditate more.  i'm too stressed.  i'll be okay.  i am okay.

breathe.  stop.  breathe.