something kinda real

it really sucks to watch all the people around you get the one thing that you really really really want.  and wanted for a long time.  and can't stop thinking about.  or attempting to get.  over and over again:

a job.

i have this nauseating feeling that i will be that 30 year-old still working at starbucks because she just couldn't get a job anywhere else.  and that scares the hell out of me.  i thought i was a pretty qualified person.

it seems to come so easy to people.  they just get offered jobs, or move and things work out, or find some sort of direction.  i'm still here.  and school is starting and i have nothing to offer except numerous rejection emails.

i feel like a loser.  this blows.  this better be some amazing transformation story in the future.

because this is more painful than i thought it would be.