if 2009 is anything like 2008...

wow, what a change!  I made it back from a lovely and perfect trip in Ireland and London, and I have to say it was life changing.  I came back refreshed, happier, more centered, and with a better outlook on life and the world.  I also came back with a new and more passionate love for Austin.  I missed this city.  What can I say?  It has a magnetism that can't be duplicated anywhere else.

but i came home to the warm arms of a man that has ended up being more important to me than i once thought.  it's strange.  I never thought this would happen to me.  I won't go too far into it, but I will say I am happy.  He is great.  We compliment each other, and we connect where I never thought I would never connect with anyone.  we've been together six weeks, and it's been so much fun.  He is also the funniest person I have ever met.  seriously.  He makes me laugh to the point of breathlessness.  he's has also woken up a romantic side and the ability to love in me i thought for sure had withered away, or hardened to the point of no return.

nope.  it's still there.  we have never mentioned past relationships, and i plan to keep it that way.  this isn't a fix-it relationship.  this is something real, i'm pretty sure.  he will never know the names of any of those douchebags or what they did.  because in my head, it is just him.  he is the only relationship that matters.

even garrett likes him.  yeah.  seriously.  my brother doesn't like anyone.  he's a good one.  and i feel so fortunate to have him in my life.  *smile*

my running plan has been revamped as I will be doing the half marathon now, which shouldn't be too hard.  I can do that.  And eventually I will do the marathon.  Not this year.  I also hope to lose about 8 pounds with this running plan.  It is possible.  And I can do it.

christmas was wonderful.  i love my family.  we had a late christmas, which was fine with me.  we ate and drank and opened gifts, laughing and being together.  i got an electric toothbrush, finally my QOTSA poster from garrett (YEAH!!!), new sheets, booze, and gift cards.  it was nice.

I had this realization that 2008 was a year of painful growing.  this time last year was a turbulent time that would eventually level me.  i was in NYC, searching for life and a future, only to be disappointed by the one i was thinking of, the internship that lay before me, getting pushed out of the nest of school, and having life take the wind out of sails.  I'm glad I don't have to live this year again.

But!  These past two months have been wonderful.  Or even the last four months.  My sabbatical was a great break from life and a great way to find what I'm looking for and who I am.  I grew a lot.  I'm also not afraid to do anything by myself.  I am capable.  I am an independent woman, and I can live life on my own.  I was absolutely happy living life single and my way.  Without that boost, I never would have gone to Ireland.  And that was one of the best decisions I've ever had.

And then, out of the shadows, a man shows up.  I never looked for him.  He was always there, but I never had any intentions.  And within months my life changes completely.  And January I start Real Estate.  Maybe life will change even more.  I hope.   And Obama takes office.  I can hope.

So here's to 2009.  With the momentum the last quarter of 2008, may it be a memorable and wonderful year!

I made it!!!

I've spent my second day here in Dublin, and I have to say I love it here.  It may be cold, but the people are friendly, the food is great, and surprisingly the streets are ALWAYS busy!  there are people everywhere at all times!  I love it!

the thing i can't get used to is being a foreigner.  i walk around without realizing this is another country.  and people talk to me like an Irish citizen, only to hear my accent and go, "Oh!  You're American!"  i laugh and say yes, and they are immediately intrigued.  it is slightly isolating as i've never been here before, don't know how things work, and i'm by myself.  but i am endlessly happy being here.  the weather has been beautiful, no rain yet.  (it's a miracle!)

i have no cell phone, which is liberating and sad.  i am not connected to anyone, and it's fun to walk around knowing no one can reach me, but then again i would love to hear some familiar voices.  i wish my mom could hear my voice and know i'm alright, but i email her twice a day with updates.  i would love to talk to my luvah, but i talked to him before the long plane ride from JFK, and it was great to hear his voice one last time.  yeah, i'm a smitten kitten.  and i feel he might be, too.

but this trip has already been great, and i can't wait to see what the rest holds for me!  I can't believe i'm here for another ten days.  wow!  i can't believe i'm here!

future world traveller here.

the day has come.  i am gone.  i leave for the airport in two point five hours and it is getting harder to hide my excitement.  my apartment is sparkling, i had a great goodbye at work yesterday and this morning, i said goodbye to my luvah, my family is taking me to the airport...man, life is good.

my mom told me that she is so proud of me, as this is the most courageous thing i've ever done, or she would ever do in her life.  she then repeated over and over again, "you'll be fine.  you'll BE fine.  you'll be FINE.  i'll be fine.  i'll be FINE!"  to which i laughed.  the prospect of going overseas alone is kind of a daunting one that i have yet to really grasp.  i'll wing it.

i have never felt this happy.  and by happy, i mean balanced.  i feel like a peace has nestled in me, and i am ready just to enjoy life and its precious moments.  i wonder what i will find in Dublin.  i wonder what the streets of Cork will tell me.  i wonder what residue the fog in London will leave on my heart.  to go from life being an absolute mess and feeling like a failure in most aspects of my life to this...this....i don't even know how to describe my condition.

i think most buddhists would call it Nirvana.  i know it won't last forever, but for this moment, it did.  and for this moment, my soundtrack is "I believe in Father Christmas" by U2.  of course.  i'm coming home, boys!