my God, can it go any faster? Oh. My. God. I don't think I can last here!

i just had dinner with my co-workers from stizzle-bizzle since we won our door decorating contest, and i had a great time!  it was fun to talk and drink beer and eat pizza.  it also helped that i made them all laugh a lot.  like, a la-tte.  a-yuck a-yuck!

there are a few brief announcements:

•   i will be entering myself in the Austin Marathon on 2.15.09.  i've been wanting to do a marathon for a long time now, and after being approached by one of my best/good friends Jesi, we will be running in it.  it's good incentive to run more and be pushed into something even better for me.  i was planning out my running schedule today at work, and jezie-chrizie, it's tough.  before i know it, i'll be running 20 miles in one day.  on thanksgiving alone i'm running 9 miles.  ugh.  the farthest i've gone is 10 miles, and i hope i can do this.  i mean, i guess if i'm already on the trail i can't go back.  i've also been looking up diet plans, and though it's not much different than what i eat, i'll just have to eat more frequently when i get higher in miles.  it's my typical high fiber, high grains, many raw fruits and veggies stuff, so no big whoop.  mary asked me where i kept my pizza pan when she came over once, and i said i didn't have one:  i almost always eat my food raw.  pizza is almost never on the menu.

•   i've found myself in a situation that is more difficult than i once thought.  my head is constantly running, and my heart is both excited and lethargic.  it's like an ill-timed fantasy, and i have to refuse.  i'm in a personal building time, and i can't let this interfere.  it's flattering and heartbreaking.  but i guess that is life.  i pray for karma in the sense that i'll be paid back in the end.  you owe me, God.  sometimes saying no to a date can be the hardest yet most beneficial thing.

• it's not official, but i'm planning a trip to ireland.  in december.  i have to go.  i've been wanting to visit ireland for what seems like forever, and now i want to go while i have hotel discounts, no relationship, enough money, and enough moxy.  i will be going alone, which is how i prefer it.  i have it planned out, and i hope to be booking the flight and hotels within the week.  oh man, i hope it works out!

• trent reznor is still hot.  i'd still marry the ex-junkie, atheist, angry, artistic, brilliant, angst-riddled, surprisingly funny sex machine.  yep.  i would.

yea for surprise birthdays!!!

my brother and i haven't always been close.  in fact, until he turned 24ish, and i was in college did we really start to talk to each other.  for a long time there was a bart/lisa like rivalry, but now we are very very close.

my brother introduced me to the rock music my dad left off.  i learned metallica (good metallica), rage against the machine, tool, pantera, stone temple pilots, ac/dc, filter, primus, and too many to name.  the most notable is nine inch nails.  my brother taught me the brilliance that is trent reznor, and because of it, i found a connection with music that is tough to find in other places.

so i found out that NIN was coming to SA, and immediately thought of my bro.  and how he would love it.  so i bought floor tickets, and decided to make it a surprise.

and it worked!!

we got down to SA this weekend, and as soon as we got into our hotel room (which i got free thanks to my job), i told him we would be seeing NIN on the floor.  his mouth dropped, as he didn't believe it.  i showed him the paper, told him dad wasn't coming, and his face lit up like i had never seen it.  he asked if i was serious, trying to hide my excitement (which caused my hands to shake), and he couldn't stop smiling.  he just kept repeating "this is going to be the best show ever." 

we got to the show, waited in line forever, but stood in the VIP line (yeah, i'm good).  we talked and joked and had a great time.  then came the time we got to go inside.  we both grew with insane excitement.  we made it onto the floor, and low and behold, we were at the rail.  we couldn't believe it!

so we waited.  watched a kick ass show from ghostland observatory (best opening band ever!) and waited.  the crowd pushed and got tighter.  people began to flip out, screaming and waiting for the moment trent reznor would walk on stage.  garrett and i were so excited.

the lights went out.  people pushed, and trent was right there!  literally three feet from us.  we freaked out, getting the shit beat out of us.  i made it to the front, and survived three songs until i got kicked in the head, punched in the face, and began to suffocate.  totally worth it.

i miraculously found garrett again, and we moved back about twenty feet.  it was calmer, and the show rocked!  it was the best concert i've ever been to.

one of my favorite moments though was watching my brother, who doesn't sing, doesn't clap, doesn't get excited, doesn't yell: scream, move and yell to "terrible lie" and "head like a hole".  i've never seen him get that happy at a concert.  i just watched him telling myself this is why i bought him the tickets.  he is really happy.

so we got back to the car, and he kept saying over the over, that was the best concert ever.  hands down, best concert i've ever been to.  i can't get over that concert.  followed by: this has been the best birthday ever.  best birthday ever.  and i felt so good.  that's all i wanted.

we hung out in SA the next day and got tanked.  and it really was the best birthday ever.  and nine inch nails takes the top spot for best concert ever for both of us.  yea!!!

rock it!

in a kind of debbie-downer fashion, i had a dream about one of my exes last night.  the one that made a tornado of my personal life, leaving a path of destruction that he failed to try and pick up.  asshole.

i cried it out a long time ago, worked through it, dated since then, but there is a little bity band-aid that still holds together a bruised, broken spirit that is tied to my wrist like a old, wilted balloon.  it's small, but it's still there.  it's hard to get over being cheated on.  or have trust broken.  or to be rejected.  it's just there.  no matter what.  ugh.  shitty shitty relationships.  then after being dropped twice in a row after i gave up.  best decision i've ever made.

i had lunch with a dear dear friend of mine, Jared, and he talked about the break ups and break downs of the past 6 months, and we were kinda in a similar place.  or at least somewhere where i have been and worked through.  we listened to break up songs (he is gay, so of course alanis morrisette was there, so was sarah mclaughlin.  and tori amos.  oh the gays!)  and i let him talk it out.  he is broken.  we are all broken.

when i was going through the bereavement of myself i wrote a journal entry that describes human beings as these rag dolls holding thread and a needle endless searching and pawing at someone to help sew them up.  and i feel it is even more true and more people you get to know.  

we all have our stories, which is why i absolutely love autobiographies on anyone.  anyone.  i think true, lived out stories are far more interesting than any story the human brain can fabricate.  i guess my point is that no matter what we all carry baggage around.  even if it's just a coin purse.  we are all hurt.

now let's all celebrate our losses and drink 'ritas and eat nachos!!

october, and the trees are bare...

it's october, and to celebrate yesterday i listened to U2's October then drank pumpkin beer.  oh yeah.  that's how i get into the spirit.  i always forget how much i love the fall.  maybe it's that i'm not in school this year, and i can actually enjoy it.  i was on campus today to meet with my career advisor and i can't stress how much i love being out of school.  no one could pay me any sum of money to stay in school.  i was miserable there.

but i'm out, and doing life.  i pay all my bills.  keep a budget everyday (yes, everyday.  i enter how much i've made in cash in tips, then subtract whatever i spent that day: groceries, food...beer)  i have a system where i add how much i've made in pay checks, tips, then categories of spending so i can know where my money is going.  based on a standard way of life, i have calculated what i can spend in each area in order to save 600 a month.  thus far, i've surpassed that as i stay home a lot and am incredibly, painfully frugal.

my mom thinks i'm weird because she never did anything like that when she was 22.  yeah, but she was married by my age.  eww.  but then again she didn't have as much money saved as i do.

ACL Fest this year went off without a hitch.  the weather was perfect, the people were friendly, the music was rockin' and everything was perfect.  i was sure i would cry when it ended, and as i stood 30 feet from the Foo Fighters stage, i smiled at how fortunate i am.  

i love my life.  who knew?  nothing has changed but my perspective.  i love riding my bike to work.  my coworkers are a trip, the people i meet in starbucks are precious, i love doing the work.  i love being downtown and being part of the pulse of the city.  as i told my mom about my recent great date with Austin, she began to cry.  i didn't show any emotion up until she cried.  i just never got it.  ugh, it was right there!

things are looking good, and i'm not sure if that is because they are, or because i've spun everything into a good light.  even if i end up being 40 and at starbucks, i know i'll have some stories, so why not ride that train for as long as i can?  with this economy, i have a job that will never go away, people always want corporate coffee, my manager loves me, the hotel loves me, so why drop a good thing?